She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
