My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
