I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
