Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
