Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
