Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
