I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
