She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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