): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
