I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
