I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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