she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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