All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
