if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
