Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
