There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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