I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
