why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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