I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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