Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
