I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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