You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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