READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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