He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Boobs are out for the taking
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
