i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
