One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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