so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I forget how to act sober
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
