Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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