well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
