i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
