I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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