Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was born a porn star she said
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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