Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
