Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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