if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
