if you like me you must not know who I am
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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