I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
