what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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