Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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