I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
