My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
