Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
