yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
