Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
