woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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