you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
