U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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