you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need to stop coming to work sober
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
