is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
