He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
